Random Plotless Insanity
by Molly of Ozz
Summary: Sequel to Romance, Emus, and Cereal Spoons, your fav ME characters are zapped into our world! The insanity that ensues, is worse even than the Energizer Bunny on Cocaine!
1. Default Chapter

Chapter One  
There Are Elves On My Fridge!

  
  
  
Before we begin the first chapter of Random Plotless Insanity, I would like to recap for those of you who didn't feel like reading Romance, Emus, and Cereal Spoons (READ IT!). Two girls, Lily and Bran, are zapped into Middle Earth. There, after landing in a particularly spiny tree, they are found by Legolas who brings them to Rivendell where they meet various LOTR characters such as: Aragorn, Boromir (this is post-fellowship but Boromir didn't die, he was pushed into the boat by Aragorn ((very much like the Plague scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail)) etc.), (shudders) Arwen, Gimli (IMPLIED Gimli/Haldir), etc (RUN-ONS RUL!). They also meet Sulel, a nice elf whose feelings for Bran aren't revealed until the last few chapters of the story. One evening, after meeting with Legolas in the gardens and having him say that he loved her, Bran is kidnapped by an emu riding thing-man who works for Saurman (Sour-man) son of Saruman. Lego, Sulel, and Lily head off after Bran's captor with Elrond's prized hunting/tracking dog and when they make camp come across Aragorn who had been kicked out by Arwen and now had developed this 'thing' for his cereal spoon known as Johnny. They end up going into Moria and nearly are eaten by 'Fluffy Sweetums' as Lily calls the Balrog. To make a long story short, Bran escapes, catches up with them, sees the Nazgul doing the Can-Can to Lady Marmalade, and when they arrive back at Rivendell, she doesn't get a break, she ends up in Elrond's study asking about the "all-seeing mystical oracle of Rivendell" which is a bowl of Chex Mix (Yee-haw! Run-on!). Lego ends up telling Lily that he loves her more than Bran, Bran sees them and gets mad so she storms off, Lily writes a diary entry so full of guilt you won't believe it, Lego gives her a kitty etc. etc. time goes by etc. Elrond tells them how to get back here and they wake up in Bran's living room w/ LOTR theme music playing. When they enter her kitchen to feed her thirteen cats, they find Aragorn fending off one w/ a frozen chicken and Lego and Sulel perched on the fridge. That brings us up to date.   
  
*******************   
  
Chapter One; There are Elves on my Fridge   
  
"Oh, dear..."  
  
Lily blinked once, blinked twice, and blinked a third time.  
  
"Legolas?" She asked.  
  
"Hello." He replied pleasantly from his perch on top of the refrigerator.  
  
"Uhm, hi. What in heaven's name are you doing in my house?" Bran asked.  
  
"Well," Sulel started, "apparently the 'no place like home' spell extended to us, and we were transported here."  
  
"Well, that's odd." Lily said.  
  
"Yes..." Legolas agreed. "Now, help us down."  
  
Bran chuckled. "Alrighty." She turned to her oversized pantry and took out six disturbingly large cans of cat food. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty." She called, and all thirteen cats came bounding towards her. She dished out food to each separate cat.  
  
"You can come down now." Bran said, laughing inwardly.  
  
Quickly, both elves and man jumped down from their positions. Bran smirked. "Afraid of a little kitty, are we?"  
  
"That was no ordinary cat!" Aragorn yelled, pointing at a particularly large black tom. "That's a monster!"  
  
Bran's smirk grew wider. "His name is Bosco. And remember the motto; you don't cross the Boss."  
  
"I can see where she gets her affinity for Balrogs." Legolas whispered to Sulel, both casting nervous glances to the twenty pound black cat, which looked more like a small, disgruntled dog than anything else.  
  
Suddenly, above the noise of the cats chowing down, there was the sound of a dog whining. Bran sighed. "That's my uncle's dog."  
  
Aragorn cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"My uncle's a lazy bum, and he lives in the basement." Bran explained. She rolled her eyes and sighed once more. She stalked out of the kitchen, followed by the former Middle Earth residents and Lily. She opened the door to the basement, and screamed down, "Matt, you playboy! Please tear yourself away from whatever bimbo you have down there NOW and feed your dog so that the owners of this house can have some peace!"  
  
She slammed the basement door, and started jogging up the stairs. All the males in the room stared at her. "What?" She asked.  
  
Legolas shook it off. "Nothing." He said, and followed her up. The others followed suite. While following Bran, Lego noticed that she had a particularly large home. Five or six floors, he estimated. The entire house was poorly lit, and decorated in dark purple and black. What Legolas didn't know was that Lily often compared it to an insane, gothic fun house.  
  
They passed a room, and Bran stopped to lean in. A frail-looking man was sitting in front of a computer (the former Fellowship members didn't know what it was). "Hi, Daddy." Bran said.  
  
The man turned around. His eyes held the half-crazed look of someone deprived of sleep for many days and were covered by two small pieces of glass (glasses). He focused his eyes on Bran with some difficulty. "Hello, sweetheart. Did you feed the cats?"  
  
"Yes, Papa."  
  
Her father already looked distracted by the glowing computer screen, the light reflecting off the glass of his lenses. He shook his head, making his dark curls bounce. "I'm stuck, I can't think... The girl is right about to get attacked by the mad spree killer, but..." He broke off, and shrugged. "Oh well."  
  
Bran looked vaguely sympathetic. "Alright. I'm going up to my room with Lily and three strange men."  
  
"Okay dear, be in bed by eleven."  
  
The five continued on their quest upwards, when they reached a long hallway. Bran walked to the third door on the right and looked in. It was the only room so far that wasn't decorated in purple and blacks. In fact, it was done all in white. An old woman was sitting on a bed, looking confused.  
  
"Hi, Grandmother Rosemary."  
  
The old woman turned her head to Bran. "Oh, hello Susan! How's woman's suffrage going? Oh, I see you've brought Herbert Hoover!" She said pleasantly, nodding towards Aragorn. "Yes, Grandmother." Bran nodded and closed the door.  
  
The five kept going upwards until they reached what Sulel took to be an attic. One wall was almost all taken up by a tank, containing a monstrous five-foot lizard. A piece of tape stuck to the tank proudly declared it 'Godzilla'. The room was done in mostly sandy yellow, with a mural of pyramids painted on one wall. Bones of beasts long since past, which Bran and Lily called 'dinosaurs', littered the room, with one particularly large flying beast suspended on the ceiling, a piece of notebook paper taped to the ceiling pronouncing it a 'pterodactyl'  
  
"Welcome to my room." Bran said unenthusiastically.  
  
"And what a nice room it is, at that." Lily told her.  
  
"Thank you." Bran replied, somewhat sarcastically. Then, "DON'T TOUCH THAT!" To Aragorn, who was attempting to open her closet.  
  
Aragorn jumped back. "What?" He asked.  
  
"Don't open the door. Only trained personnel can do that." Bran said. With that, she pulled open the door and jumped back a full three feet.  
  
What fell out of the closet were priceless artifacts mixed in with...  
  
"Bricks?" Lily asked.  
  
"Yes, bricks." Bran answered as if it were only natural to keep bricks in one's closet.   
  
*******************   
  
MUCH LATER  
  
*******************   
  
*YAWN* "'s time to go to bed. Lily, you are in the usual room, Lego, Sulel and Aragorn, you're in the one next to that. Just follow Lily." Bran said sleepily.  
  
A/N The End of Chappie One!!!!!!!!!! Soon you will meet the other characters!!! Snuffy, Rose, etc. 


	2. So much catfood

"Good morning!"  
  
Bran awoke to the sound of Lily's annoyingly cheerful voice.  
  
"Rise and shine!"  
  
"I will rise," Bran stated, "but I refuse to shine."  
  
Lily then climbed up on Bran's plush, oversized bed and began to jump. "Morning, Morning, Morning!"  
  
With one good *thwack* Bran sent her overly hyper friend sprawling to the floor. "Too early in the morning to deal with you."  
  
With that, she lumbered out of bed, ran a brush through her hair, and accidentally brushed her teeth with a hair dryer. Deeming herself ready to be seen in the light of day, she lumbered out of the bathroom.  
  
Lily was grinning like a maniac, and still jumping on Bran's bed. "I wouldn't do that..." Bran warned, just before the bed fell through the floor, taking the unsuspecting Lily with it. "Oh, dear." Bran said, not sounding in the least bit worried or upset. She slowly meandered over to the hole in the floor. It cleared six floors, straight down to the kitchen.  
  
Suddenly, Lily's bright blond head popped up from the rubble. "I'm okay!"  
  
Bran rolled her eyes and started down the stairs.  
  
****Approx. ten minutes later**** Bran meandered into her kitchen to see Lily still sitting on what used to be her bed, Sulel at the kitchen table, and Aragorn sitting happily on the floor playing with the new Johnny the Cereal Spoon and all his extended family.  
  
"Where's Legolas?" Bran questioned.  
  
Lily, Sulel, and Aragorn all pointed in the direction of the pantry. Bran furrowed her eyebrows and peeked in. Well, there was Legolas, sitting on the topmost shelf, blubbering like an idiot.  
  
"What's wrong now, you big baby?" Bran barked.  
  
In response, the troubled elf chucked a can of cat food at Bran, who expertly caught it. "I-ingredients..." was all Legolas would say.  
  
Bran rolled her eyes. "Let's see here. Ingredients; Fish... diobioxynapelsnorkomite... and, what's this last one? Oh, elf."  
  
"Elf!" Legolas cried, and tumbled off the shelf.  
  
"Hey, look at that. Time to go to school." Bran said, ignoring the elf prince and glancing at the clock.  
  
"What's school?" Aragorn asked suddenly, looking up from Johnny and his mother, Bill. Yes, I said mother.  
  
"It's like being a prisoner of war for six hours." Bran replied, before taking the Middle Earth residents upstairs and changing them into 'normal' clothes.  
  
****Fifteen minutes later**** So, here they were, standing at a 'bus stop' waiting for what Bran said was the vehicle that would haul the prisoners away.  
  
"But, Bran, I don't get it," Sulel said confusedly. "Did you do something bad? Why are we getting hauled off too?"  
  
Bran sighed. "Just be quiet."  
  
That instant, four girls walked up. "Hey, Bran, Lily, people we don't know." They said.  
  
"Hey you guys. These are our friends... uh..." Lily furrowed her brows and stared at the two elves. "Samuel..." She pointed to Sulel, "and Larry." She pointed to Legolas. "And this is..." She halted when she came to Aragorn. "This is... uh..."  
  
"ACORN!" Bran yelled, unable to control herself.  
  
"Oh." The girls chorused.  
  
"Guys, these are..."  
  
"Snuffy." A dark-haired, hazel-eyed girl interrupted. She had on a long-sleeved black shirt that was ripped and frayed at the cuffs and bottom, and a pair of black jeans. At least ten pounds of black makeup adorned her abnormally pale face. "I like fluffy things." She declared, and then fell on the ground chanting, "paperclip".  
  
"I'm her sister, Rose." A peppy looking redhead declared. She was wearing a tight red t-shirt that clashed hideously with her hair, and white pants with so many blotches of different colors splattered on them, Sulel (or, now Samuel) thought a paint factory must have exploded on her pants. Her green eyes shone, and she fiddled with a gold locket around her neck. "You're cute." She said, looking at Sulel.  
  
"He's also taken," Bran hissed, grabbing his arm, and making him blush with pleasure.  
  
Rose's face fell. Bran smirked.  
  
"I am Communist Dust Bunny!" A Russian tinged accent barked. All turned to find an East Asian (read; Indian) girl standing ramrod straight. She had dark hair, eyes, and skin, and was clad in a potato sack and a pair of extra shiny black combat boots. All two feet of her raven dark hair was pulled into a tight braid.  
  
"And I'm Gabrielle Greenstone." A meek looking blond piped up. Her pretty green eyes were lowered and sheathed by a pair of oval glasses. She wore a crisply starched white shirt tucked into a neat gray pleated skirt. A thick, intimidating copy of Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment was clutched in her hands.  
  
"Hi." Was all the Middle Earth residents could muster.  
  
Soon later, a bright yellow school bus pulled up. The words 'New Hope County Public Schools' were block printed in black letters on the side.  
  
"Hop on," Bran said. She hadn't yet let go of Sulel's arm (much to his pleasure) and pulled him on board. Next went Snuffy, Rose, Aragorn, and Gabrielle, followed by Communist Dust Bunny (who thwacked Lego with her two feet of hair), and of course, the now thwacked Legolas.  
  
The bus began to move, and Sulel jumped up. "What is this devilry?" "Oh, Samuel, what's wrong?" Rose asked flirtatiously.  
  
"Get your filthy paws off him!" Bran growled, and pulled Sulel down to his seat. "It's like a.... horseless carriage." Lily offered.  
  
This seemed to calm the poor elf.  
  
Rose stared sullenly ahead for the rest of the trip.  
  
Finally, the bus pulled into the parking lot of a gigantic gray building. A huge chain link fence, topped with menacing looking barbed wire, surrounded it.  
  
"Welcome. Welcome to No Hope High."  
  
A/N: Thanks so much for waiting for this chapter! Thank you to all our reviewers, shadowkittie04, Perfalath, Mela's Runya, Daughter of Night, and moonlightgodess. Disclaimer; LotR is not mine. Snuffy belongs to my friend green_and_silver, Rose belongs to Mela's Runya, and Communist Dust Bunny belongs to shadowkittie04. Gabrielle Greenstone is a character created for the wonderful Daughter of Night. It's probably going to take me (us) longer to update chapters now, 'cause I've been banned from the internet, and must write up all chapters by hand. Which reminds me; THANK YOU LEGALAN! THANK YOU! 


	3. Mr Ferculi and Marcus

"Okay, Larry, Samuel, Acorn... You come with Lily and I to the office to pick up your schedules." Bran said.  
  
"See you guys later!" Lily said to her other friends, and they walked away.  
  
Lily, Bran, and all the Middle Earth people trudged into the office.  
  
The secretaries began to make animal noises, and one even began to chew a can. However, Bran bypassed them and headed to a shady, creepy looking corner.  
  
There was a secretary sitting alone, her stringy salt and pepper hair hung around her wrinkled face.  
  
"Schedules." Bran demanded.  
  
"How much you got?" The woman shot back.  
  
"Five bucks."  
  
The woman sized her up. "Ten."  
  
"Five fifty."  
  
"Eight."  
  
"Six." Bran said.  
  
"Six fifty."  
  
"Six twenty-five."  
  
"Done!" The woman said. "Just fill these out and there you go."  
  
She greedily snatched the money from Bran's hand in exchange for three blank schedules. Bran quickly filled them out.  
  
"Okay. I've fixed it so that each of you guys," she nodded at Lego, Sulel, and Aragorn, "has each class with either Lily, myself, or one of our friends. Think you can handle it?"  
  
Putting on their best warrior faces, they all nodded.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
All four trooped out of the office, up the stairs and into first period history class.  
  
A scary looking man, who greatly resembled Marilyn Manson, sat at the teacher's desk, filing his long, sharp black nails.  
  
"That's the history teacher... Mr. Ferculi." Lily whispered to the three.  
  
"SEATS!" Mr. Ferculi suddenly roared.  
  
Everyone jumped to attention, and Legolas noticed that Communist Dust Bunny and Gabrielle were also in the class.  
  
"Due to lack of-"  
  
Mr. Ferculi was cut off by the door opening and slamming shut. Snuffy stood there, in all her mighty Goth Glory (yes, Glory MUST be capitalized).  
  
"Why are you late?" Mr. Ferculi hissed dangerously.  
  
"Stuff." Snuffy answered, and whipped out a nail file, and starting to work on her black nails, which were pointy enough to rival Mr. Ferculi's.  
  
He glared jealously at her dark black nails. "You fail!"  
  
"What? I'm up, I'm dressed, I'm here. What more do you want?" Snuffy asked. He could not argue with this Gothic philosophy of life, so instead he grumbled, "take your seat."  
  
"That was brilliant, Snuffy!" A girl said.  
  
"Oh, you guys," Bran said, "this is Faye. Faye, this is Samuel, Larry, and Acorn."  
  
"Hello. I'm Faye." She said happily.  
  
"Yes...." Sulel said, backing away nervously, for now Faye was jumping up and down with a hyperactivity level to rival Lily's.  
  
"I SAID SIT DOWN, DAMNIT!" Mr. Ferculi roared loudly.  
  
Everyone quickly sat down in their seats.  
  
"Now, as I was saying. Due to lack of school f-"  
  
Again, Ferculi was cut off, but this time by loud banging coming from the ceiling. "Oh no..." Gabrielle whispered. She suddenly pulled a well-concealed hood from her white blouse, and put it over her head. Everyone else, including Snuffy and Bran, followed suite.  
  
"What's going on?" Aragorn asked, confusedly.  
  
"Marcus." Was the answer.  
  
Gabrielle suddenly noticed that the three didn't have hoods, so she withdrew three bucket hats from.... Nowhere... wow, but anyway, she withdrew three bucket hats and pushed them down on top of the Middle Earth- ians heads. "You'll thank me later." She said, and got back into her seat.  
  
At that instant, a 43-year-old man fell from the ceiling, wielding a pair of scissors. "SCISSORS!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, and lunged at any hair that was left out in the open.  
  
After about five minutes of terrorizing the resident preps and their oh-so perky blond locks, he jumped back up into the ceiling, and disappeared from view.  
  
"Interesting..." Bran commented.  
  
"NOW!" Ferculi screamed, finally ready to start class.  
  
"These are Satanic bibles-"  
  
"OXYMORON!" The entire class yelled.  
  
"SHUT UP!" Ferculi roared. "Now, due to lack of-"  
  
At that moment, he was cut off, because of the bell.  
  
A/N: Hey there, Molly of Ozz here! Thank you guys so much for waiting (if not patiently) for this chapter. I know it's taken me a helluva long time to post it. I'd like to thank the reviewers; AloriaMoonbeam: The Last Fae, Mela's Runya, shadowkittie04, Daughter of Night, Green-and-Silver, Fic- Chik, moonlightgoddess, and... well, Legalan doesn't need to be thanked, does she? Anyway, Lord of the Rings is mine. It is all mine and I am free to do whatever the hell I please with it. ::is assaulted by lawyers:: OKAY, okay! It's not mine. There, happy? I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and another will soon come! Oh, bonus points to whoever can figure out what 'FERCULI' is an.. Acronym (I think) for. His name spells something else. Figure it out. Well, much love and marshmallows, Molly 


	4. Second Period

Random Plotless Insanity

Chapter four: Second Period

Disclaimer: WE DON'T OWN THEM!!! You should have figured that out by now. You also should know that Rose, Snuffy, Gabrielle, Faye, Gwen, etc. are characters of our friends/reviewers, and that Lily belongs to Legalan, and Bran and Sulel belong to Molly of Ozz. 

Summary: You'd think that you would have read the title, THERE IS NO PLOT!!!

A/n we will be following different groups like Tolkien did with the second two books of LotR. I also don't want to type their other names so, they'll be their ME names for now (only when someone talks to them it will be Samuel etc). got it?

French

"Guten Tag. Ich heisse Frau Schmidt."

Rose stared at her so-called French teacher. She was sitting next to Communist Dust Bunny, who looked quite pissed off.

"B-but this is a French class." Rose whimpered, "the language of love."

"Feh, is that what you think?" Commie scoffed. "It's actually the language of a poor defenseless country who needs a good Communist dict- I mean leader."

Rose rolled her eyes. "It always has to be about you, doesn't it?"

"Feh," was Commie's disgruntled reply.

Chorus

Sulel, the amazing Yiddish chanting elf, didn't like chorus anymore.

"I don't like chorus anymore."

Bran rolled her eyes.

"None of us do." Gabrielle interrupted.

"Mrs. Lavigne…" Louis began, "uhm, _what_ exactly are we singing?"

The teacher shrugged and tossed him a Yiddish-to-English dictionary.

French

I am Communist Dust Bunny and I will be the dict- I mean leader of this class for the rest of the year." 

The supply closet next to her moved and muffled cries in German could be heard. Commie gave the closet a sharp kick, and the moving stopped.

She straitened her potato sack and turned to take care of business. "Now…"

Chorus

"…and so, the rough translation is… Monkey, monkey, monkey, liquid soap of rhinos, dishwasher of purple hippos."

Band

"Welcome to Band, I am Mrs. Bass." A tall, gangly woman with a conspicuous wart on her long nose said. "You will enjoy it or else." She stated with a threatening glare.

"Or else what?" a tall boy with a military-style haircut and a commando hat asked.

"Or else…" here Mrs. Bass paused, contemplating what she could get away with doing to the students, "Or else, you will find yourself _living_ in that tuba-" she looked at the student roster and chose a likely name, "Fredrick Spawn of Moose (FSoM)" She then rounded on Legolas. "Ah… fresh meat…" she grinned maliciously.

Drama

"Hello class." A depressed-looking teacher with short brown hair said before flinging himself from the catwalk. Before he hit the floor however, someone shoved a mattress under him.

"Hello Mr. Gishlavault." They all replied taking their seats. 

Aragorn leaned over towards Snuffy who promptly smacked him back into his seat. "Stay… away…" was all she would say.

He then tried Faye. "Has the Drama teacher always been suicidal?" he asked.

"Yup." She looked over at him, "Hey, has anyone ever told you that you look like Aragorn from the LotR movies?"

"Movies?? What's a movie?"

"Gee, you're living in the Dark Ages." 

Band

"YOU! Front of the class now!" After he'd scrambled to the front she snapped, "Name, age, and why the hell you chose this class."

"Uhm, I'm Lego- I mean Larry," he said quickly covering up the little slip, "Uhm… do you want my real age or-"

"JUST STATE YOUR AGE!!" she bellowed.

"Ok, I'm 2931 years old-" everyone in the class except Lily laughed, "And uh… I like music…"

"Fool…" muttered Mrs. Bass.

Drama

"So, if I pick up this 'phone' thing, and dial a number, I can talk to someone miles away?" Aragorn queried.

"Yup." Faye replied. Just then, the bell rang and everyone left.

End Chappie!!!!

A/n sorry this took so long… Molly had to write the French and chorus classes and then I had to write the other two and type it all up and, I haven't had much time to type plus writer's block. Sorry for blabbering, I do that when embarrassed or upset (or just excited)


	5. Period the Third

Random Plotless Insanity By Molly of Ozz and Legalan Greenleaf Disclaimer: DUH! We don't own them!  
  
Chapter Five: Period the Third (More stuff happens)  
  
~*~ Math ~*~  
  
"YEE-HAW! GIDDIUP HORSEY!"  
  
"Uhm. Bran, does the Math teacher always act so insane?" Sulel asked, his eyes never leaving the Math teacher who was 'galloping' all around the room on a hobbyhorse.  
  
"Yep, sometimes, he's even worse. His real name is Mr. Alfsprakendoich (no questions please) but he insists we call him Roy."  
  
"Roy?" Aragorn asked joining the small conversation.  
  
"Roy Rogers," Lily explained, "He's a famous cowboy er." She tried to find a term they would understand. "Sort of like a ranger in a way."  
  
"What's all this about rangers?" Gabrielle asked entering the conversation.  
  
"Nothing." Lily and Bran said hurriedly.  
  
"That was close." Lily whispered to Bran, "How would they react if they found out do you think?"  
  
Bran contemplated what Lily had said, "They would probably act like we were freaks, but then again, the actors they chose for the LotR movies are too close in looks for comfort. Seriously, I don't have the slightest clue." All throughout their conversation, Mr. 'Roy' Alfsprakendoich continued to gallop around the room while spouting random mathematical functions and formulas. Some new students attempted note taking but the majority of the class just sat and talked the period away.  
  
********** ~*~ History ~*~  
Rose and Fredrick Spawn of Moose (FSoM) were sitting in Mr. Ferculi's "History" class listening to him rant about Satanic Bibles. Rose raised her hand hesitantly. "Yes," Mr. Ferculi snarled still filing his nails to deadly points.  
  
"Um, I am highly religious and this whole thing sort of go against my religion. Is there any way I can transfer?" Rose asked hopefully.  
  
"No, now sit and be silent."  
  
"Hey FSoM," she started.  
  
"Yeah, Private Pitt (his nick-name for her. Don't ask)."  
  
"Have you met the new guys hanging out with Bran?"  
  
"Yup Private Pitt, I've met them. They seem. weird. You know, like they aren't from this world."  
  
"Really? I just think they're cute. They are soooooo hot." Rose said going off into a romantic dream world.  
  
"Fat chance, Private Pitt. Bran and Lily were quite possessive don't you think?"  
  
"Sooo hot. Huh, what?" She asked looking around.  
  
"Never mind. Oh, Bran gave me this." He handed her a sheet of paper. "I got one too."  
  
"Sleepover, cool."  
  
**********  
"Are you sure it was wise to have them over for a sleepover?" Lily asked Bran for the billionth time. "I mean what if they find ou-"  
  
"Relax Lil's, everything will be fine."  
  
"Famous last words of Branwyn O'Roarak." Lily commented.  
  
A/n Legalan: SORRY!!!!!!!!!! Hectic lifestyles lead to loss of chappies. I couldn't find this one for months, hence, the delay. The next one will be out VERY soon, I swear!! Molly: (Growls) It had better. Legalan: Yah know, if it weren't mostly people we knew reading this, they might think I invented you or vice-versa. Molly: (Growls again) Legalan: (meeps) MEEP!! OK!!!!!!!!! 


	6. What ed? Sexed, of course!

Random Plotless Insanity Chapter Six: "what"-ed? Sex-ed, of course!   
  
"Ah, fourth period. An excellent chance for overbearing, pompous gym teachers with no college education to ruin a full 50 minutes of your life." Bran announced to no one in particular.  
  
"Gym? Who's Gym?" Legolas asked, looking confused.  
  
"Rest your tiny little brain, Larry, or you may fry it," Bran said to the Elven prince.  
  
"Gym is a place, Lego-Larry," Lily said, almost giving Legolas' real name to the crowd of friends that surrounded her, Rose, Snuffy, Commie Dust Bunny, Fredrick Spawn of Moose, Gabrielle, Faye, Gwendolyn, Bran, Sulel, Aragorn, and, of course, Lego himself. Bran shot Lily a harsh look, telling her that she had, clearly noticed the mistake of names.  
  
"Yeah," the ever oblivious, hyper-happy Rose began to prattle on, and Bran, Lily, and the Middle Earth residents were relieved at the change of subject. "Yeah, see our gym is different from others. It's located under the school. They built it that way because there's a maximum-security prison next door. They can't very well send us out to play volleyball with murderers, bank robbers, and deranged, French one-legged prostitutes right over a high voltage fence!"  
  
"Your gym has very... interesting décor," Aragorn commented looking warily at the dank, stone arch that was the ceiling. There were even a few skeletons hanging from it, and it was freaking him out.  
  
"Bran and Snuffy designed it," Fredrick Spawn of Moose commented offhandedly. Sulel glanced at Bran and she shrugged.  
  
"It looks like the catacombs in my backyard."  
  
Snuffy sighed and announced, "C'mon, we're not in regular Phys. Ed. right now. We're in... SEX-ED!"  
  
"_**WHAT**_?" Legolas and Sulel yelped at the same moment.  
  
"Yep," Gwendolyn nodded, and suddenly grinned widely, revealing canines that she obviously sharpened. "Whatssamatter, boys? Scared?"  
  
"N-no," both elves stammered, following the crowd into a large room.  
  
It was lined with hundreds of perfectly aligned desks with chisels and stones lying on top. In the front of the room, behind a desk, was a _HUGE_ man, stuffing cream puffs into his mouth incessantly. He managed to say, "desks... books... notes."  
  
Bran sat at a desk, and the others took seats nearby. Immediately, she pulled a textbook from underneath her desk, and opened it to a random page, setting it in front of her. She then picked up her rock and chisel, "Let's start it."  
  
Sulel opened his book and was confronted with a picture of a naked woman. It was done in excruciating detail and had complete and vivid description of the female reproductive system. He screamed shrilly and shut the book with a bang. It echoed throughout the room, bringing all attention to the poor, hyperventilating elf.  
  
"There was a spider?" He offered. Bran patted him on the head and went back to her work.  
  
Distractedly, she said, "I thought you'd be used to them by now..." she paused, flipping the page, "guess not."  
  
Lily snapped her book shut with a squeak. She looked around at the rest of the class. Everyone else ignored her and continued working. Lily looked at the book again, and shoved it off her desk. "I never want to see that again!" She exclaimed.  
  
Lunch   
  
"Well," Lily began, "now the 'food' is even less appetizing. I hate Mondays, they always give me the worst hotdog..." Her hotdog turned and looked at her. That is, it would have been looking at her if it had a face.  
  
"I am deeply offended." It stated simply, "Well, now I have nothing left to live for... farewell cruel world!" The hotdog jumped off the table and died in a puddle of ketchup.  
  
Legolas was about to comment on the hotdog's odd behavior when Bran's French toast sticks got up and charged at Snuffy's fries yelling strange battle cries. Over the small massacre of fries, he asked them why the food was moving. Bran laughed. "It's similar to Dave Barry's theory in his 'Laundry Lust' article." She explained, "Just like the way men's unwashed undershorts grow primitive bacterial feet and arrange themselves in the words 'FOR GOD'S SAKE WASH US', we reckon the food has developed a method of movement." At the glares she received from the males around the table, she said, "Not that I believe the whole undershorts idea..."  
  
"Worm, worm, worm, worm, worm..." a boy said, doing the worm down the hallways.  
  
"Westley never fails." Commie Dust Bunny said shaking her head.  
  
**LEGALAN**: Sorry about the delay, really, I am... I meant to have this chapter out months ago, and totally forgot it was on my computer, or that it even existed... anyway, enjoy.  
  
**MOLLY**: Hold about 5 minutes for the next one, and we mean 5 minutes this time 


	7. PMS, and the Golden Tampon of Truth

Random Plotless Insanity Chapter Seven: PMS, and the Golden Tampon of Truth

To Legolas, it felt like this whole "school" ordeal had taken days. In reality, it was only a matter of hours. Today alone, he had had to endure a Satantic history teacher, an insane math teacher, and a homocidal band teacher. Then, during lunch, he had witnessed bits of fully cooked food sprout legs and commit suicide, painfully lying in a pool of ketchup. Right now, all he was looking forward to was going back to Bran's house and getting away from all of this "school" business. Espically those freaky friends that Bran and Lily had.  
Lily found Legolas meandering outside after the final bell. "Guess what, Legolas?"  
"What?" Legolas asked, his voice sounding somewhat desperate.  
"I've got good news! Snuffy, Rose, Gabrielle, FSoM, and Commie are coming over after school for a sleepover!"  
Lily didn't understand why Legolas suddenly burst into tears.   
  
It was six p.m.  
"It's six P.M."  
Bran was hungry.  
"I'm freaking hungry."  
But she didn't feel like cooking.  
"Pizza time."  
Almost instantly, it seemed like a portable phone materalized in front of Bran. She picked it up and dialed. She ordered four large pizzas, and hung up. The phone mysteriously disappeared.  
"I hope you guys wanted pizza, because that's what we're having," Bran declared loudly. A general mumble of consent was heard.  
"Turn on the TV!" FSoM yelled from his precarious position balanced on a rafter. Bran did so, clicking the remote and changing the channel to a mind-numbing cartoon.  
"No!" Snuffy yelled, "violence! NOW!"  
With another move of her fingertip, Bran changed to a violent slasher flick that had been rated -7 on a five star system.  
"Now this is good television," Snuffy sighed.  
At that moment, the door bell rang. "Pizza!" Came the excited yell of all seven teenagers.  
  
After finishing their yummy yummy pizza, Lily suggested the all go hang out in Bran's room. They passed by Grandmother Rosemary's room (where she screamed that FSoM was Hitler), and entered Bran's ROOM dun dun da!  
"I'm still hungry," Rose said.  
"I keep food under my bed," Bran responded, tossing her head.  
The company looked under Bran's expansive bed (which had fallen through the floor earlier that morning, only to be mysteriously replaced with the floor intact) to find a random odd assortment of chocolate, hard candies, and...  
"**MARSHMELLOWS**!" Lily screamed, grabbing the white fluffy pillows for herself. Greedily, she tore open the bag and began to stuff the marshmellows into her mouth.  
"What's so great about mar-sh-mellow-es?" Aragorn asked, slaughtering the pronunciation of the word.  
"They are GOD!" Lily screamed, running to a corner of the room.  
"May I have one?" Legolas asked politely.  
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Lily yelled. "The sugar-y goodness is MINE!" For good measure, she opened Bran's closet and chucked a brick at him. The elven prince burst into tears.  
"PMS much?" Bran asked, observing the elf's second bout of tears that day.  
Legolas and Sulel both got terrified looks.  
"What, did I say something wrong?" Bran asked.  
"PMS!" Both elves shrieked. Bran gave a quizzical look. "Pre Millenium Syndrome!" Sulel gasped.  
"What's that?" Rose asked.  
"You know, Samuel, now might not be the best time to discuss it," Bran said urgently.  
"Of course..." Sulel said, realizing that there were several of these 'regular' humans present. "Of course..." He repeated, casting a wary look at Legolas.  
"Hey, you know, it's late..." Lily said, looking around, "we should get to bed."  
"It's only 5:30!" Fredrick Spawn of Moose protested.  
"Oh, so late!" Lily said. "I'll show you all to the guest rooms, follow me, please." Lily ushered all the guests out the door. As soon as her door shut, Bran began to speak in an urgent whisper.  
"Sulel, what's all this about PMS?"  
"It's quite simple, Bran... All elves get PMS before a birthday that marks another millenia. The only way to stop Legolas from going completely off the deep end is to find the Golden Tampon of Truth!"  
"Well, how bad could PMS get?" Bran asked.  
"Sauron was an elf on PMS." Sulel replied flatly.  
"We need to find that tampon."  
"Indubitibly."   
When Lily returned, Bran told her the entire story of PMS and the Golden Tampon. "So, where to we find it?" Lily asked Sulel.  
"Back in Middle Earth."  
"WHAT?!" Bran roared. "I am NOT going back there. NO WAY! I just got home! What about our friends?!"  
  
At that moment, Bran's door seemed to cave in, and Rose, Snuffy, FSoM, Gabrielle, and Communist Dust Bunny all toppled into the room.  
"I guess they're coming with us."  
After laying out the whole story to them, Bran and Lily's loyal friends decided to come with them back to Middle Earth.  
"Maybe I'll find my own prince!" Rose sighed.  
"Maybe I'll find a saxaphone made out of cheese!" FSoM giggled.  
"Maybe I'll find a libaray worthy of me!" Gabrielle cheered.  
"Maybe I'll find a country in need of my... services!" Commie barked.  
"PAPERCLIP!" Yelled Snuffy as she toppled down the stairs.   
"Sooooo... all you did to get to Middle Earth was touch the TV screen during a lightning storm?" Gabrielle asked skeptically.  
"Yep." Lily answered.  
"Sounds a little sketchy to me," Gabrielle said.  
"Well, it's how it happened! So screw all your logic!" Bran snapped defensively.  
Bran, Lily, their assorted friends, and Aragorn were all standing around the TV. Sulel was supporting a sobbing Legolas on his shoulder.  
"I'm getting something to eat... This is boring." Communist Dust Bunny announced, marching off to the fridge. From the other room, they suddenly heard her call, "commrades, you might want to look at this..."

**LEGALAN:** TA-DA! Two chapters in one day!

**MOLLY**: Tampons.... Tampons are PAINFUL... PMS= TORTURE... Why Women Suffer, a best-selling novel, What WE Go Through for Reproduction, the sequel to Why Women Suffer. not real novels


End file.
